does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
