All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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