I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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