oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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