Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
