She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
