Well apparently he's into motor boating.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
