he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
