i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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