but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
