Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
