i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
