Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
