Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
