Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
