Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
dude. I can hear the air.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
