I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
