Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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