Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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