The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
