saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
