ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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