don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
