I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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