You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
