And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize