If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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