I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
