K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
and you fell through a lawn chair
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
