I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
