i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
