His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
