I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
