Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
