The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My bed smells like the plague
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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