I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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