I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
...so i touched it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
