He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
