she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
