Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
