Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
