Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
