I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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