Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
There are leaves in my underwear?
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