I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
