I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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