Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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