i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
