if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
