I wish I could punch you in the face.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
