i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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