You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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