her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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