The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
