ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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