Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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