This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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