I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
