his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
