FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
