you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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