i need an iv and a liver transplant
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
