speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Welp...herpes.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
