i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
either way he was missing a nipple.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
