u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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