and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize