i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
