The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
