anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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