I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
