Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize