I'm gonna have a badass scar
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
