worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
