So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
