I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
