btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
