this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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